State Scraps EMS Program

Officials in the New York State Department of Health have confirmed plans that they are scrapping the entire State’s EMS curriculum, training and education and will rebuild it.

EMS Star of Life

EMS Star of Life

“It’s broken beyond repair” stated a senior NYS DOH representative. “Our EMS training is archaic, and providers across the state are still practicing like it is 1975”, he went on to state.

The New York Department of Health conducted a randomized test of current Certified Laboratory Instructors (CLI) and Certified Instructor Coordinators (CIC) and found a significant number of them do not possess adequate knowledge of current medical practice or theory.

According to the DOH representative, “We wondered why the knowledge and skill set of new EMT’s and Paramedics has been steadily declining. It turns out the reason is that their instructors are idiots”.

“Many of New York’s EMS educators are in fact unskilled people with very little actual clinical experience, and who only repeat what they themselves were taught”, said DOH representatives. “They wouldn’t know an original thought if it bit them in the ass”, he said.

The state DOH plans to revamp the entire EMT and Paramedic curriculums, bringing them current with 21st Century medical knowledge. All current instructors will be expected to take and pass a rigorous training course or lose their certifications. Also, the DOH official confirmed they are taking an additional radical step: EMS instructors will be required to actually work on an ambulance and treat patients regularly to maintain their certification. “How can you teach people to be EMT’s when the last patient you ever treated died in 1992?” stated the DOH representative.

Officials also state New York State EMT protocols are being completely rewritten. They confirm that such previous standards of care, such as oxygen administration and spinal immobilization with rigid backboards will be essentially removed from protocols, and will require on-line medical control authorization to be used.

“We realize this may seem extreme, but our EMT’s and Paramedics are so brainwashed into using them when they are not indicated, the only way to break them of these bad habits will be to require them to have an order to be implemented.” said the DOH representative.

“New York has always been years behind the more progressive systems and states” said the DOH representative. “We have had indoor plumbing and electricity in New York for decades. It’s time our EMS system reached that level of sophistication”

About Zod

Mild-mannered reporter for a great metropolitan newspaper. Fights a never-ending battle for half-truths, disinformation and agitating the dimwitted. Find what I write distasteful? Then get better taste. And remember, it isn't a lie if you believe it.