Police Find Injured Paramedic During Traffic Stop

Police in Corning, New York got a surprise when they pulled over an elderly driver for erratic driving: Her passenger was an injured off-duty paramedic.
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Police say the paramedic, Paul Miller, had fallen while working on his home, and sustained a broken arm. He was having his elderly neighbor, Edna Schultz, drive him to the hospital.

When police asked why he didn’t simply call for his own ambulance company to pick him up and take him, Miller stated “I did think of that. However, I looked at the schedule to see who was working today, and frankly thought my chances were better having my half-blind neighbor drive me”

An even bigger surprise was in store for police when they found out what Miller had used to splint his arm with: Two 40 round AR-15 rifle clips taped to his arm. When police asked Miller why he used the assault rifle clips he answered: “First off, they aren’t clips, they are magazines. Clips would never be rigid enough to use as a splint”. “Secondly, it is a semi-automatic sporting rifle. Assault rifles are fully automatic military weapons. I do not own an assault rifle”. Miller went on to state “I looked around to see what I had handy that I could use as a splint, and there were plenty of them nearby, so I used them”

Police verified that the makeshift splint was constructed of pre-ban magazines, and the splint did not contain more than 7 rounds of live ammunition in keeping with New York’s ill-conceived “SAFE Act”.

Police offered to call an ambulance for Miller to take him to the emergency department, but Miller declined. “No thanks, with who is working today, things could really turn out bad for me”.

Police declined to give Mrs. Schultz, a 92 year old widow, any citations for her driving. “She was driving very slowly, no doubt about that” stated the deputy who pulled her over, “But she’s getting the job done.” Police allowed her to continue taking Paramedic Miller to the hospital for treatment.

About Zod

Mild-mannered reporter for a great metropolitan newspaper. Fights a never-ending battle for half-truths, disinformation and agitating the dimwitted. Find what I write distasteful? Then get better taste. And remember, it isn't a lie if you believe it.