UK Police to start issuing swords

By Guest Author “Fridaddy”

Commissioner Vorpal of the Glastonbury Police made the announcement today at the usual morning press briefing.

“With the increase in knife crime in the United Kingdom I have been looking for a new way to equip our constables to defend themselves and our citizens from lethal attacks. Firearms are an option but cost prohibitive. The average Sig-Sauer pistol costs well over 500 pounds, and that is not including clips, holsters, training and of course ammunition. This bring the cost of arming each of our constables at well over 1000 pounds per PC. ”

Vorpal went on to say that he was sipping Tennessee Bourbon while watching T.V. one evening last week and the movie Excalibur came on. When he saw the sword being drawn out of the stone he knew he had the answer.

“A good sword costs about 200 pounds, comes with a holster (scabbard,) needs no ammunition, and with only a few hours of training a month the constable can defend themselves against any knife as the sword has a much better reach then a six inch knife. If the subject starts to advance on the constable they can just cut the hand off, we will issue tourniquets to each and every constable who is issued a sword to stop the bleeding.”

James Kurgan of the British Civil Liberties Organization told this Author, “We oppose arming the police with such a weapon. Amputation of a limb should only be done in a clinical setting by licensed medical people. Not some Peeler in a panda car. We will be issuing a strongly worded letter the British Medical Association protesting this action.

So far Commissioner Vorpal has not decided what type of sword he will issue, “I am leaning to the Katana, but some of the newer guys want the Ninjato. Both would work well as they both have a wood scabbard and could be used as a truncheon if needed.”

*** Editor Note***
While we typically focus on US based news, we figured this story might have some interest to our readership.